Not even twelve hours

I just got back from an awesome yoga retreat.  It was awesome for a few reasons:

YOGA.

FRIENDS.

NO KIDS.

WINE.

Need I say more?

On this retreat, I did some soul-searching and while reading a great book, “What on earth am I here for?”, that our whole church is reading, I asked God for some help in not being the MEAN mom all the time.  To be more loving.  Attentive.  PATIENT.

Then I came home.

My husband did a great job with the kiddos.  Truly.  But he was ready to release the reins.  And I put my best loving-attentive-patient foot forward.

I didn’t even last twelve hours folks.

Because…my sweet one year old got up at 2am.  And…being the loving-attentive-patient mother I WANT TO BE…I got up to make sure she didn’t have a fever (you know it’s that time of year when the flu can happen at any moment), or crap in her diaper, or you know..is just not dangling from her teeth in her crib.  And since my awesome husband had to get up at 4:30am, I FOR ONCE didn’t nudge him to get her.

Poor girl.

I very patiently changed her diaper, rocked her, and put her back to bed.

Thank you Jesus.  I did it.  I did it! <insert happy dance>

But wait…It is now 4:45am and the OTHER one is up and crying.  And this momma never fell back to sleep (because I suck at sleeping).

I very lovingly-attentively-patiently pushed the talk button on the baby monitor;

“GO BACK TO SLEEP OR I AM COMING UP WITH THE BELT!”

And I wonder why my kids hate me?

Then, of course, just as the three-year old fussed herself back to sleep, the one year old wakes back up at 5:15am.

And I let her cry for 45 minutes.

Yes, yes I did.

While I laid in bed wishing I was on any kind of retreat and realizing that I already failed the first test God gave me on my desire to be more loving-attentive-patient.

Good thing there is GRACE.  And good thing the kids have their dad to be loving-attentive-patient.

Cause I have got A-LOT more work to do. Dang it.

Cheers!

PS- check out my paleo bread recipe.  I am on a 30 day paleo challenge..and though it is kicking my tail..I am loving it.